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Dec 8, 2003
I'm at school right now, debating whether or not I should finish searching for poetry for forensics... anyone have any I could borrow???...
sorry.
Last night I got into a fight with my father. A big fight... I can't go to the concert w/ M anymore... DAMN IT... I wanted to go very badly. I think M's a little peeved at me for it but at the same time what can I do? GRRRR. I need the lyrics for Numb by Linkin Park, but the school comp won't let me search for them. All meaningless I know.
Erm... for prose I know I'm using "Francesca" by Ezra Pound as my main theme, however I need poems that kind of go with that for my whole... thingy? I'm going to use something of Suzanne Vega's, dunno what yet though. I'm also going to use a Robert Frost excerpt, too. Or at least I hope to. Possibly something of C's, because he's an amazing poet, but I can never get to his diary to read any of it, and I have to have it all approved by... friday. WOO... not.
My dad left for Colorado... he should be back the 23rd. I wanted to go with him, but alas I have school. Again, woo!... the sarcasm almost kills me.
Back to my prose, Im thinking of using something of mine but Im alttle shy, even if I put annonymus (i cannot spell today) down Im like, NO! I should use one of Tiff's, that might be cool... grr. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO... DAMN!
Another thing, why is it so bad for me to love someone?!?!?!?! *growls* sorry... school does this to me! on to... english... and... ethan frome... and... test... *rolls eyes* adios
Posted at 01:21 pm by DarkFaerie
Dec 3, 2003
Don't try to fix me, I'm not broken
So yeah, I haven't written in awhile, but look here I am!
I went to my mother's for thanksgiving, which wouldn't have been so bad if everything hadn't gone wrong. But of course, it did in fact go wrong. Starting with the drive down, considering that the truck broke down in Steven's Point and it was cold as hell and my mother was chain smoking in the car. Normally wouldn't bother me, but it dries out my contacts and makes me look like some sort of strung out junkie. Then I had to call everyone to let them know what happened, which again wouldn't have been bad, except nobody was home and I had to come up w/ random people's phone numbers off the top of my head. So anyway, we were supposed to get home @ 5 or so, and we got home at 11. Weekend was ok, except for the fighting that was inevitable. And the creepy dude @ the mall that started asking me to go out with him and stuff. Hard to explain but it was really annoying... he was watching me put my combat boots on... very frightening.
Talked to M alot... Thursday, Friday, Saturday... was very great. Saturday was our 2 month anniversary, and I dunno if he knows that but he told me he loved me. *tears* And since I had been talking to Nik about how much I loved him it was a huge grand surprise. He bought me roses. They're absolutely beautiful. He was sick with the flu all of sunday, and he wasn't supposed to go to school on Monday, but he went just to give me my roses. lol. He's sweet.
Jack's trying to tell me he knows what "bunt" means for baseball, which is really funny, cause he's never seen a game and he's never played a game...
I'm talking to Josh online, he's a very awesome guy. I like him alot. ALOT I TELL YA! and he makes me smile so I like him even more and I wish him the most of happiness in life. Take care all of you... Dark Faerie Queen©
Posted at 05:17 pm by DarkFaerie
Oct 28, 2003
Take everything from the inside and throw it all away
Cuz I swear for the last time I won’t trust myself with you
I love that song, I love everything about meteora, it calms me.
Posted at 05:45 pm by DarkFaerie
Oct 25, 2003
I suppose you would say I wait for this to happen, lie in the weeds and try to imagine how it used to be. But now, when I have no reason to feel the dark hatred, it happens all over again, and consistently, so often, so long that it feels as though I have to hide to escape it. This shouldnt be me, shouldnt be who I am, but it takes me over at times.
I should be happy, I am happy at times. I have a very wonderful boyfriend, I have amazing friends, but I can't spill my darkest truths to them. Like, I'm not able to feel truly comfortable when people touch me. I've always been a person who's touchy and likes to feel like she's loved by being held, but now it's like I feel closed in, denying the one comfort I used to have.
I can't stand life in general at times, Im begining to lose sight of what I have. You see, I'm supposed to be the happy one, the one that sees the life force and fights to bring it to herself with the gift of fire. By that I mean, Im supposed to take on life and fight to make it. I was always like that before, but now it's over and done and I can't move past it, but I can, and I will, breakaway when the timing is right. I want to be with M, forever if forever is what he wants. I want to take away whatever pain he might feel, but at the same time I wonder if I lend to the strength of the pain. There are times when I crave his touch, like somehow it's going to set me free from the chains. And at times, it does.
But for now, I'll stay in my solitude and drink the poison like wine and wait for my darkness to claim me.
Posted at 10:55 am by DarkFaerie
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